Big Empty
by Natalia Vronsky
Summary: Spike drives Buffy home after a night of torrid wild lovemaking. : I don't describe it... sorry... my muses aren't smut friendly maybe it's time I get new ones, huh? R


Title: Big Empty  
Author: Natalia Vronsky  
Page: www.geocities.com/blackqueenphoenix  
Part: 1/1  
Rating: PG-13 (I guess) I'm so bad at ratings.   
Summary: Spike drives Buffy home after a night of torrid wild lovemaking. :) I don't describe it... sorry... my muses aren't smut friendly (maybe it's time I get new ones, huh?)   
Note: This is so angsty, it's not funny. I'm depressed. I think writers shouldn't write when they're like I am right now. I hate angst. I like happy endings. Blame it on all the damn spoilers out there in the big bad world (so gotta stop reading those). I JUST WANT A HAPPY ENDING... and I don't think I'mma get one. :( enough with me and my mood. This was soooo not beta'd, I wrote it at, like, midnight, so forgive any errors.   
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and characters belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy... not me. Not making money offa this... though the emotional scars *I'm* getting from watching this show my cost may cost me. The song "Big Empty" belongs to S.T.P., not me. I usually dance around while I listen to it... but this time it inspired this... damn Scott Weiland and his drug induced song writing.   
Archive: Sure. Go ahead. I don't care. This really sucks anyway.. don't think anyone'll want it.  
Feedback: yes, please, may I have another?  
Another note: I'm not my usual cheery self. I need the new NiN CD... and fast. Damn Amazon.com and their suckie shipping. I need a guarantee Rogue isn't going to be killed and Gambit will go on like she never meant anything to him. I need to see Buffy and Spike HAPPY at the end of this season... and happy next season... until the end of the freaking show... I'm just a needy little bloodsucker, aren't I ? :)  
  
Drivin' faster in my car.  
Falling farther from just what we are.  
Smoke a cigarette and lie some more.  
These conversations kill.  
Falling faster in my car.  
  
Spike hurt. Everything that happened in the past few months had all been too good to be true. Which wasn't true. He'd felt worse about himself that he had when he was a loserly poet madly in love with a girl to equal Buffy's bitchiness.   
  
But, he couldn't help it. He loved her. Really and truly. He figured that by now she must believe him. He could kill her. But, he hasn't. And, despite his empty threats, he wouldn't. Love's Bitch... that's what he was.  
  
He looked down at her. She was sleeping blissfully leaning against him as he drove slowly down the streets of Sunnydale. He'd been driving for sometime. After their last round of beat each other up, then shag each other silly... in his car, she fell asleep. No rush to leave him. No excuses for the look of happiness on her face.   
  
Not yet, anyway.   
  
And, frankly, he didn't want to hear it. Not tonight. All he wanted was to so back to his crypt and thumb over the memories of the night. No nasty comments had been made by either him or Buffy. It was a first. Maybe this was going somewhere. Tonight, however, it was simply going to her house.   
  
He sighed as he reached into his coat and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one with his favorite lighter. The lighter she'd denied seeing, but kept in her pocket. What it meant, he wasn't exactly sure.  
  
Time to take her home,  
her dizzy head is conscience laden.  
Time to take a ride, it leaves today, no conversation.  
Time to take her home her dizzy head is conscience laden.  
Time to wait too long, to wait too long, to wait to long.  
  
"Bloody self-righteous little hypocrite." He muttered, glaring down at her. God, she hurt him so much. Her harsh words, cold glares.   
  
Would it kill her to show that she did care? If she did at all. Who knew. Maybe the thing wrong with her was she left her heart in her little heaven. But, then she'd never been Lady Bountiful.   
  
Nope. "Vampires are evil. Need to kill the vampires." It was all bloody back and white with her... except where her precious Angel was concerned. "Oh.. he's got a soul." While he... he was convenient.  
  
He flinched at the memory. Yeah, she knew just how to hurt him.   
  
Bitch.   
  
Looking down at her, though, made him remember how much he loved her. Thinking about her negatively was so much easier when she wasn't there. When he didn't have to see her and remember how she'd trusted him after he chained her up and threatened to sic his ex on her. How they were all each other had when Angelus was going to use Acathla to destroy the world. How Willow put a spell on them to make them think they should get married, (funnily, no mention of the love they kept professing to each other was made in that word precise spell).   
  
How beautiful her smile was. Like the sun shining on him after all his hundred and twenty-eight years as a vampire. How strong she was despite having lived through hell and being ripped from heaven. How she came to *him* about where she'd been. How brave she was... fighting for people who would never know to show her their gratitude. Even those who knew what she was showed her little gratitude. How she loved her friends with blind loyalty.   
  
Spike pulled up in front of her house with a heavy heart. He'd have to wake her up and the bliss would be gone.  
  
Too much walking, shoes worn thin.  
Too much trippin' and my souls worn thin.  
Time to catch a ride it leaves today,   
her name is what it means.  
Too much walkin' shoes worn thin.  
  
Spike sat there for an eternity, smoking cigarette after cigarette. His window open so she wouldn't have to smell the smoke. Poof, he was. He'd long since draped his duster over her to keep her warm.   
  
He was so tired of walking away from her... of chasing after her. Why would it be so hard for them to just... meet in the middle. God, if she gave it a real chance, aside from the sex, he could show her truly how much he loved her. He would cherish her like she deserved.   
  
He just wanted to stay right in the moment forever. He placed a kiss atop her head and leaned his head against the headrest, shutting his eyes.  
  
It would be so perfect. They would be a family. Spike, Buffy and Dawn. She couldn't have to carry the weight of the world alone.   
  
But, no. She's the Slayer. She can't be with him because he's an "evil, disgusting thing". Not a person with feelings. Oh, she can screw him from here to kingdom come, but she can't admit to having feelings for him.   
  
"I'm so bloody tired, Slayer." He said, extinguishing his cigarette. He was sorely disappointed that one had been his last one.  
  
Time to take her home,  
her dizzy head is conscience laden.  
Time to take a ride it leaves today, no conversation.  
Time to take her home, her dizzy head is conscience laden.  
Time to wait too long, to wait too long, to wait too long.  
  
"Ummm..." Buffy stirred slightly in her sleep. Her eyes fluttered open and she let out a yawn. "God, I'm sore." She muttered, sitting up straight and out of his arms. She glanced over at him. "What time is it?"  
  
"Dunno, Pet. It's almost sunrise."  
  
"Oh." She looked down and smiled slightly at the duster. She frowned when she realized they were outside her house.  
  
"Best get inside. I reckon the Lil' Bit'll be up for school soon."  
  
"Yeah." She handed him the duster. "Spike... can... uh..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Can I come over... this afternoon? To talk?"  
  
"Course, Luv. My home is your home." His heart twister at the look on her face. Maybe she wanted to work things out between them. He leaned over to kiss her. She jerked away.   
  
"I... I'll see you later." She got out of the car and ran into her house, glancing back once. She looked like she was going to cry.   
  
"Bloody hell." He groaned and slammed his forehead against the steering wheel angrily. Yeah, whatever "talk" she had in store for him wasn't going to be pleasant. They just didn't seem able to speak to each other now-a-days without being mean and nasty. Spike revved up his car and sped off. He physically felt ill as he got further from her house.  
  
Conversations kill...  
Conversations kill...  
Conversations kill..."  
  
Sigh. I'm so depressed... reading all these fluffy Buffy/Spike fics to lift my sprits... but, it doesn't help. everyone seems to be against them... everyone's angry at Buffy... guess me and my fic isn't helping any. *pout* so depressed. "this thing is slowly taking me apart... grey would be the color, if I had a heart." ~ something I can never have ~ M.T.R. (not the best song to listen to right now...) Maybe I'll write a happy sequel... 


End file.
